There’s nothing inherently wrong with being too nice. However, deep inside the hearts of every nice person, there’s probably a raging bull (whether they are conscious of it or not). I know because I am a recovering nice person. When we are too agreeable, it feels like the universe is swallowing us up and we feel pulled in a dozen different directions. There is a way to go from nice to NATURAL. We can have a sweet way about us, but also be firm in our selves and aware of our boundaries. What we DO have in our favor is our gift of kindness as a second nature. This can be used as a tool for asserting our boundaries with love. I do think the process of going from nice to natural is one that can take a long time - maybe even a lifetime! Here are a few practical tips to apply today so we can start reclaiming our personal power.
-Stop using exclamation points in emails and texts. If you’re not shouting it, or actually experiencing strong feelings inside, omit the excited punctuation
-Find AND support a good cause beyond your own interests which is more important to you than being nice. For example, mine is the joy of being alive and taking care of one’s health. I am willing to be an asshole (...kinda) to defend the gift of life and our responsibility to make the best of it
-Relax your face. You don’t always (or ever) have to look happy
-When in conversation, answer an intrusive question with a question, or count to 5 s l o w l y during a lull in the conversation
Intruder: “Why don’t you have a boyfriend?”
You: “What do you mean by boyfriend?”
Intruder: “You know, like someone you’re dating.”
You: Pause 5...4...3...2...1... “What is dating in this day and age?”
-Do not wait for anyone. Next time you’re waiting around for someone, do not sit idle stewing about being taken advantage of. Preoccupy yourself with a task that serves you
-Disagree with one person per day. You DO NOT have to agree with everyone’s perspective. Use the “yes, AND” trick. Basically, instead of saying “yes, but” to disagree with someone, you can deliver it more gently by saying “yes, AND ….. here’s what I think”
-Curate your IG feed. Unfollow all of the people that don’t inspire you (they belong in the dark dungeon of facebook).
-Immediately set a firm boundary when you are pulled into an unexpected conversation. Tell your friend that it’s so great to see them, but you only have a few minutes to chat. Say this with love, release the panic.
Last and most importantly:
-When you walk into a room, imagine you are shining just as brightly as everyone else. Us nice folk will often immediately dim our brightness in the company of others. I visualize myself in vivid color, just like everyone else. It helps me assert myself and recognize my own feelings and my own worth. It helps turn off my instinct of diving deep into the feelings of others when I’m not in the mood - what a relief!
I hope you found these 9 tips helpful. Please let me know which ones you like and/or if you use one in your life! As always, please share this article with a friend, family member, or colleague who might benefit from it.
Thank you and jobless,